What do I mean by these words?
I read recently in a book about the three stages of living. I have never seen it broken down so simply nor have I understood it so completely.
See when a situation occurs that causes a disruption to our lives we automatically do one of three things. We either blame someone else for the situation at hand, we justify or given reason to the situation or we take responsibility and start looking for ways to change the situation(considering it needs changed).
I am going to try to break these three phases down in layman’s terms so you can see how much they truly do impact you and where you go, or not go, in life.
The first stage is the BLAMING stage. In this stage, nothing is your fault. You take no responsibility for the situation at hand, therefore you feel it is not your responsibility to change it or do anything about it. The problem with this way of thinking is that you are giving away the power to resolve something that is effecting you, to someone else. Therefore it can’t and won’t be resolved.
It may really be someone else’s fault, but does that mean you should hold on to blame forever? Should you spend the rest of your life holding on to a grudge and refusing to let go of hurt? By doing this you allow yourself to stay in a state of agitation, hurt, anger that serves no purpose other than keep you locked down in misery.
Now what if it’s not someone else’s fault, your just to prideful to admit a wrong? That’s even worse. When you refuse to acknowledge your wrongs, you can’t even begin to correct them. How do you expect to advance in life when you believe you can do anything you want with no repercussions? It’s easier to blame others so you don’t have to take responsibility. Therefore you continue a cycle of living in bad situations which ultimately keeps you exactly where you are in life or worse, takes you backwards.
The next phase is JUSTIFYING. In this phase you may or may not accept the blame but it doesn’t matter. It is what it is, and there is nothing that can be done about it. I have to admit I live in this phase most of the time. I realize that I can’t control the environment around me so I just let things be. The problem with this I am starting to discover, is that by ‘just letting it be’ it doesn’t change a situation that might actually need changing. It doesn’t allow me to take power over something that might be bringing me down or holding me back. I stay stuck or stagnant and go nowhere. In this phase you just kind of walk around blindly, not going forward or backwards. Everything is just ok and you are fine with that. In order to move ahead in life we have to recognize when it’s time to make changes, somethings are ok to let be, others are not. You may recognize that you can’t control everything, but it’s ok not to justify everything either.
The third (and my new favorite phase) is the GROWING phase. In this phase we see the situation for what it is despite whose to blame and we either get over it, change it, or let it go. Whatever needs to be done so we can move forward in life. If we have been wronged, we forgive and do what we need to heal ourselves so that we no longer carry the pain of the wrong. If we are in a situation that holds us back or down, we get out of it. We don’t blame or justify, we leave. If we can’t leave we find ways to change the situation even if that means confronting it head on. In this phase you have complete power over your life. You are holding the reins and guiding the directions. Whatever is behind you, is simply that, behind you. It’s not stopping you, it’s not standing in your way, it is simply no longer part of the picture. In this phase you recognize what you need for you and your future. You plant seeds and water them. You get your hands dirty, and you take responsibility for all the outcomes. Even the ones that don’t turn out exactly how you hoped it would. To each and every action is an equal and opposite reaction, right? So to truly experience success, you must at some point experience failure.
My challenge to you this week is: Determine what stage in life you are at.
Are you a Blamer and everything is always someone else’s fault? Do you find that no matter what you do you seem to keep repeating the same cycles?
Are you a Justifier skimming through life, never seeming to get anywhere but not exactly happy with where you are?
Or, are you Growing and meeting life, and all of it’s challenges, head on. Knowing you have the power to either change a situation or walk away from it if it’s not contributing to your growth.
If you are in phase one or two, I challenge you even further.
Get out of it!
Take the power away from others and harness it to get you where you want to be in life. This is not to say you should be mean, selfish or any of the other things that some people associate with getting ahead. You can still be kind, live with gratitude, do good while you’re growing. You just have to be willing to put in the work and understand you’re growth is determined by you and nobody else.
I pray this week seeds are planted in everyone’s life. I hope that you look with your minds and eyes wide open to recognize which phase you are in and what you need to do to get to the next phase. I myself have moved out of the justifying phase and am now in the early morning hours of the growing phase watching my seeds grow and determining what I need to do with the rest of my life. Oh yea and I’m doing it from the 17th floor of the Westgate resort in Myrtle Beach because part of my growth is to start living the life I’ve always dreamed of living. One that’s full of fun, adventure and things that make me happy.
Until next week I leave you with this…