This is a question I get asked all the time. And the answer isn’t because no one wants me, or because I don’t think I’m pretty, smart, lovable or any of the other adjectives you could place here.
No, the reason I’m single is because I choose to be. It is almost a sin to be single in today’s society, yet more and more people are discovering the value of being alone. Or at least alone when they choose to be.
See, I am never lonely. I have a so many amazing friends and a calendar so full that even if I wanted to do more I don’t know how I would fit it in.
Do I like being around people? I love it! But when it’s my choice.
Do I want to be single forever? Absolutely not!
So then what am I doing? Great question and thanks for asking. I am waiting for the person that I know is going to continue building the kind of life with me that I am currently working on by myself. Now, I know there is no such thing as perfect, and I understand that all relationships come with sacrifices. But I have also been in enough relationships to understand that if you make poor choices out the bat you’re going to have a poor relationship that probably won’t last.
Well how will I know if I’m making poor choices? Another great question. You watch for red flags. Are there things that make you feel uneasy when your around said person? Do you leave dates feeling unsatisfied or annoyed perhaps? Do you spend hours/days wondering what something was about that just did not sit right with you? Those are red flags and you REALLY need to pay attention to them.
But we usually have such a great time together for the most part.
I get it. I really do. Just because someone isn’t right for you romantically doesn’t mean they can’t be your friend and that you can’t have a good time with them. So many people jumping on the relationship wagon just so they don’t have to do things alone.
Are you really that much happier in a miserable relationship then you were when you were alone? Can you not find satisfaction in going to dinner with friends? How aboout going to the movies or in my case karaoke? These are all things you can do with a friend or a group of friends.
I also get that it is human nature to want intimacy. Cuddle time wrapped under a blanket watching movies, candle light dinners, etc. But if those are peppered with constant fighting, walking on egg shells or arguing about what you are or not going to do next, those moments will not be worth it, I promise.
So it’s easy for me to answer the question: Why are you single? I am single because I choose to be happy by myself until I find the exact right person to be happy with. Now notice my answer was not “Until I find the right person to make me happy.” You should never be looking for a person to make you happy. It simply will not work that way.
You need someone who will compliment what you already have, and yes, it’s ok to add to each other. But never,ever,ever put the burden on another person to create your fairy tale. You are the Prince or Princess already. You have your own Kingdom and you rule it the way you want!
You just let down the bridge so others can cross the moat. Who gets in and who stays out is totally up to you.
This weeks challenge is to access your life. What makes you happy? What kind of mate would compliment your life and what kind would take away or distract from it? Now jot those traits down on paper and put them where you can refer to them easily. Then next time you are out with someone, whether it’s a date or hanging with a group of friends. Be aware of the personalities. Do they fit your compliment list or distraction list?
This is how you, (me), are going to find our soulmates. But until that person comes along, be ok being ok, by yourself. I promise you right now that if you stop always being sad about not being with someone and you just start building the life you want to someday share with someone, that someone will find their way to you. Somewhere out there, someone is building a life they want to share with you. Your, (our), paths are destined to meet at the right time and place.
Until then remember…..
Face it…..Challenge it……..Conquer it…….